Got back from watching Fight Club. Why is this a video game? They completely missed the fucking point. Why does my internet suck? What is up with me? Why can't I talk to anyone about anything more superficial than a fucking video game or a recent movie? Why can't I turn off my feelings? There are quite a few I'd like to shut down right now. It's 11:09. Why do people's ears perk up when Wolf Blitzer tells them it's one o'clock in Baghdad, or three o'clock in Pakistan? Why did some shitbag file my orders request in my personnel information file, leading me to wait on nonexistant, never-arriving orders for two months? For that matter, was it me and I just don't remember? Even more, do I really want to leave? Can I cry into someone's fucking shoulder for once or is the thought too fucking reprehensible for me to bear? I'm holding myself back from the person I want to talk to the most. Am I desensitized to violence and offensiveness? Do I have a short attention span? I'm always jovial. I'm always afraid of people seeing me as a fucking downer if I'm not. Why can't I type 'people' tonight? There's just something about her that's intimidating. Any extended amount of time with her leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Am I male, or just emasculated? Am I sick, or just desperate? Is anyone out there sick? Why haven't I blinked in a minute-and-a-half? Is there any way I can connect with anyone without feeling absolutely shitty?

At one point, all the questions become white noise, and you're left with a jumbled amalgam of words that can never represent what you really want to say, because despite what you may believe, your knowledge of the world really can't fit on paper. Cut down all the trees in the world, and you still won't have enough. You can never have enough. People have tried; memoirs, biographies, scientific encyclopedias and books on the worldwide effect of killing one junebug in Malaysia. I know that junebugs probably don't inhabit Malaysia, but those were the place and thing that came to mind.

Albaninny.